For writing, I have made several things. Here is a story I wrote about my brother, Seamus:
15/02/10
30 minute writing sample
Character writing- a family member
My Brother
I hoped it would be a girl. When my grandma took me back to my house when I was five I saw my only sibling for the first time. I was a little disapointed, because it was a BOY. He had giant big dark eyes that made him look like a puppy, and silky blonde hair. I remember the way he smiled at me, I smiled back. He was my brother. How could I be disapointed when I had this little angel as a brother? But what happens to brothers? They grow up.
I had fun with my brother for the first three or four years of his life, and I loved him. We played games outside and inside, and it was loads of fun by memory. But not only he grows up, but I grow up and get tired of playing games 24/7. Especially these new ones, like soilders and fighting, where he absolutly smashes me, with his big stocky body, although he is still twice as short as me. I get tired of his constantly loud voice. He talks like this, naturally: “MUM, CAN I GET THIS AND THAT?!” or, “DAD, CAN WE GO TO THERE AND THAT?!” So, these days, we get into lots of fights, but inside I love him as much as everybody else in my family: A lot.
Although my scruffy haired guy (guy is his nick name) can be super annoying he can be the cutest, funniest thing in the world, and also SUPER ramdom. While on holiday in taupo, we came out of the resturant from lunch and he ran up to a bunch of old ladies, and yelled at them, “FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!” He also, that same day, when up to a sign at the dock, which said, ‘WAIT BEHIND LINE’. and he ironicly says, “lets go over here!” (over the line) And mum says, “Ah, can you not read that sign?” he looks at the sign and his eyebrows narrow. “Nope.” Me, Mum, and Dan crack up laughing at his timing. Of course he couldn’t!
Oh wait! I almost forgot something totally important. His name is Seamus Baldock, who I love up to the moon and back. Seamus is my only brother, and the best one I could have.
By Ruby
Goals for my writing:
To be able to write a story without running out of steam
To increase my knowledge on what makes a good story
To be able to write a story with powerful emotion and volume
Here are some things I have written:
Golden world Of Wonder
Musty, Peppermint air
Frosty, sloppy, and Moist
The sweet taste of new season
Tickles my throat.
The wet toffee leaves are sticky
Sucking like tentacles on my shoes.
In the sun they are flat sheets of pork crackle
And I dance as they make music.
The leaves are the result of the Summer Cakes
The Spring Milk
The Winter Roasts
Everyone rushes,
Chopping down trees
To light a fire
While they cuddle up warm
Watching The Lord Of The Rings
The curtains close,
The lights are turned on,
And the children watch the beautiful shades of red
From the frosty window
As their warm breath condensates the glass.
The birds retreat to their nests
Their nests of glistening cobwebs,
The plump cows’ hay,
And the cats’ unkempt fur.
The wild animals are asleep,
for longer than the townspeople,
Sadly missing out
On the golden world of wonder.
Bizzy bee
Bizzy Bee is like rudolf with his red nose
Bizzy Bee is as quiet as a desert on a windless night
Bizzy Bee has six little feet of pompoms
Bizzy Bee changes colour, from black to yellow, black to yellow
Bizzy Bee has a mini afro of shiny plastic fur, that shimmers in the sunlight
Bizzy Bee has a hole of white in his chest, but Bizzy Bee continues to live
Bizzy Bee has woven wings that droop crooked at his sides
Bizzy Bee is stuffed with harsh silky clouds
Here is my story I entered into an Elsie Locke competition. It never came through, but I like it.
Dorothy marched through the mud in bare feet as the pouring rain made her hair slick against her cheekbones. She squinted her eyes trying to spot her older brother Mark, who had already reached the house with the toddler twins, Beatrice and Tom, leaving Dorothy on her own to find her way through the dead corn fields. She wore only rags, and her body shivered as the cold air poked her.
She hated feeding the chickens, whose pen had been moved far from the corn field, to prevent them from eating the little corn that was left. They had to take the toddlers as well, as mother was too sick to look after them, and Dorothy’s other siblings, Margret, Lucas, and William, were out working, trying to scrape up as much money as possible for the family. Mother had influenza which had not been treated, as they had no money for a doctor. Father had left the family, in search of money or people who would be interested in buying the corn farm. So for most of the time, it was Mark and Dorothy doing all the housework, cooking all the meals, and looking after the youngest.
Dorothy finally made it inside. “Time to cook the dinner. Maggie, Lucas, and Will shall be home soon.” Called Mark. “Right. Mashed potatoes tonight.”
As Dorothy mashed the potatoes she thought about the moment her mother had cried her heart out, realizing all her money was gone. Her father left that night. Dorothy didn’t really understand it all, but she knew it was the reason her family had dropped form being a wealthy cheerful family, who hosted lovely little tea parties at their sunny grand house, while the children played in the cornfields, chasing the chickens and playing with dolls, to a poor family, and not enough money to turn on a light bulb.
The family had no more than one, or if lucky, two meals a day, and they could no longer run a tap to get water.
Dorothy dished up the dinner, taking plates around the house, throwing them at her older siblings as they walked through the doors, as the family didn’t eat together anymore; Mum was too sick to make it too the table, the older kids never made it home just in time, and Mark and I were too busy.
The next day, her father arrived home. Everyone in the neighborhood celebrated, as we had all become very close to each other when we all lost our jobs. Father said someone had offered to buy the cornfields for five hundred dollars, enough for the family to survive about two months, when hopefully everyone would get their original jobs back. Although that was no promise.
How did we get here? Thought Dorothy, a month later, when they had found a home in an abandoned barn crowded with their ornaments from their home. Life had gotten even worse now. Selling the cornfield was not a good idea. Friends had advanced on the money we earnt, taking things from us. Now we had no idea who where friends and who where foes. Then mother died, and the family felt even worse. Dorothy wondered how it was possible to feel worse wondering when this great depression would finally end, and her eyes would finally stop this eternal leaking, as her family fell apart.
My Pretty Mini Me
In the forest I walk, through the bamboo, and the sharp bit of wood that I knock out of the way with my huge flat, wrinkly feet. I worry for my baby, trotting swiftly beside me, struggling to keep up. She has a much smoother body, she is much more vulnerable to predators. She has no tusks to protect her, so it is my job to do so. I flick my larger eyes back to her every now and then, to make sure she is as close to my side as can be. I hear a noise, and I wrap my long trunk around her. The predator doesn’t notice my baby as she is camouflaged by our similarities. I eagle flies away, and we carry on down to the river. I love my mini me, she will always be mine.
Another competition entry:
Emmelyn Brooks woke to a bright scene of vast Wilderness. Mountains were standing proudly beneath her, holding their children- the trees and bush, while a hat of cloud circled their tips. She was on a plane, heading toward mid Thailand, where lots of her family lived. Even though Emmelyn seemed perfectly Kiwi, her roots lay in Thailand. She and her mother where traveling there to stay for two months, long enough for Emmelyn to get to know her family. “It’s about time you met your family,” Her mum had said. “I know you will find them most interesting.”
Emmelyn was asleep by the time they arrived at Yang village, which lay in a dense forest of colour and beauty. Emmelyn was awakened by her mum when it was time to walk to her Nana Yui’s house, only a five minute walk from where they were dropped off. It was only a ten minute walk to the small bamboo cottage. It was late in the afternoon and it was getting dark. Emmelyn wondered what time it was in New Zealand. Probably about two in the morning. She thought.
As soon as she entered the house she was welcomed by fifteen people, but in a language she didn’t understand. Luckily her Nana Yui could speak English, and said to her, “Welcome to Thailand, my granddaughter! Are you hungry? Would you like something to eat?” “No thank you Nana Yui.” Emmelyn hugged her Nana, overjoyed to be seeing her again. The last time she had seen her Nana was when she came to New Zealand three years ago.
Emmelyn was introduced to everyone. Her Uncle, her two Aunties, her ten cousins, and Nana’s friends, Mina and Guida. She also met their elephant, Donald (after her grandfather).
Then she was introduced to the sixteenth person, who was her cousin. His name was Feing. He was no ordinary boy. He was thirteen years old, he looked perfectly normal, he could walk, but not talk. He was blind and deaf. “This is Feing. He is a very special boy. He cannot speak, he can only communicate by touch.” Her Nana had said. Emmelyn was very interested in Feing. She knew there was something very special about this boy. “Brush his shoulder twice to say hello.” She said. Emmelyn spent the whole of the next day spending time with Feing, learning how he communicated, and wondered how he ever learnt it in the first place.
Emmelyn imagined how it would feel to be in eternal darkness, with no sense of sound or hearing. Emmelyn realized how magical he must be.
One night, Emmelyn went out with Feing for a night stroll on Donald. Amazingly, Feing could ride the elephant with ease, and even lead it through. He knew how to turn him around or stop him.
Feing grasped her arm tightly- Emmelyn remembered what this meant; danger was near. “What is it!?” She forgot he couldn’t hear her. She put both hands on his shoulders and tapped. It meant she was asking him a question. Feing clenched his fists then opened them moving his fingers like flames. Emmelyn got Donald to keep moving to investigate. She didn’t know what Feing meant! She knew it wasn’t an animal, so what was it? She realized the air was getting heavy and hot, and it was hard to see. Emmelyn sniffed the air- “Fire!” Feing turned Donald around, and got him to run as fast as he could.
Emmelyn looked back- there were flames lapping at the bush. She looked back- too late! a branch hit her in the ribs and flung her off. Terror clawed at her stomach when she hit the ground and saw the elephant kept going. Feing might not have noticed her falling off! After all, he couldn’t hear her or see her. But suddenly he was at her side, the elephant already near home. Feing carried her out of the flames. He climbed onto a- leopard?! Feing rode Leopards? Emmelyn was wide-eyed. There was no boy like this on earth- and he was her cousin! Emmelyn, knowing she was safe with Feing, climbed on the back of the Leopard.
The huge Leopard bounded toward home, much faster than Donald could have. They were soon home. Feing carried her inside. “Quick! Everyone! There is a bush fire coming!” Nana translated the english to the rest of her family.
Everyone ran out of the house, grabbing everything they could. They expected to see the elephant, so they could ride him, but he was gone. Everyone was in terror, including the other villagers. There was a swift running river which only an elephant could get through ahead. If they made it to the other side they would be safe, but otherwise they were trapped.
Then Feing, to everyones awe, jumped up on a branch of a tree, and stared into the forest. His eyes reflected the fire, but more brightly than it did on anyone else’s. Then out of the forest ran not one, not two, but three leopards. After them came a flock of white birds, and after that, a herd of elephants! The leopards jumped under the legs of the villagers, carrying them on their backs. The white birds carried the people onto the backs of the elephants, who ran after the leopards toward the fire. The leopards swam through the river, with the elephants close behind.
Emmelyn was left behind with Feing. Feing stared into her eyes as though he could see her, then suddenly, she was in the air. A giant green bird had lifted her up, a bird unlike any she had ever seen. Feing was on the back. The bird flew over the river, past the villagers, and up into the sky. It went above the clouds, so Emmelyn could see the stars. This was a moment she would never forget. Everyone was safe, and Emmelyn knew that it was all because of Feing’s magic.
For writing, I have made several things. Here is a story I wrote about my brother, Seamus:15/02/10
30 minute writing sample
Character writing- a family member
My Brother
I hoped it would be a girl. When my grandma took me back to my house when I was five I saw my only sibling for the first time. I was a little disapointed, because it was a BOY. He had giant big dark eyes that made him look like a puppy, and silky blonde hair. I remember the way he smiled at me, I smiled back. He was my brother. How could I be disapointed when I had this little angel as a brother? But what happens to brothers? They grow up.
I had fun with my brother for the first three or four years of his life, and I loved him. We played games outside and inside, and it was loads of fun by memory. But not only he grows up, but I grow up and get tired of playing games 24/7. Especially these new ones, like soilders and fighting, where he absolutly smashes me, with his big stocky body, although he is still twice as short as me. I get tired of his constantly loud voice. He talks like this, naturally: “MUM, CAN I GET THIS AND THAT?!” or, “DAD, CAN WE GO TO THERE AND THAT?!” So, these days, we get into lots of fights, but inside I love him as much as everybody else in my family: A lot.
Although my scruffy haired guy (guy is his nick name) can be super annoying he can be the cutest, funniest thing in the world, and also SUPER ramdom. While on holiday in taupo, we came out of the resturant from lunch and he ran up to a bunch of old ladies, and yelled at them, “FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!” He also, that same day, when up to a sign at the dock, which said, ‘WAIT BEHIND LINE’. and he ironicly says, “lets go over here!” (over the line) And mum says, “Ah, can you not read that sign?” he looks at the sign and his eyebrows narrow. “Nope.” Me, Mum, and Dan crack up laughing at his timing. Of course he couldn’t!
Oh wait! I almost forgot something totally important. His name is Seamus Baldock, who I love up to the moon and back. Seamus is my only brother, and the best one I could have.
By Ruby
Goals for my writing:
To be able to write a story without running out of steam
To increase my knowledge on what makes a good story
To be able to write a story with powerful emotion and volume
Here are some things I have written:
Golden world Of Wonder
Musty, Peppermint air
Frosty, sloppy, and Moist
The sweet taste of new season
Tickles my throat.
The wet toffee leaves are sticky
Sucking like tentacles on my shoes.
In the sun they are flat sheets of pork crackle
And I dance as they make music.
The leaves are the result of the Summer Cakes
The Spring Milk
The Winter Roasts
Everyone rushes,
Chopping down trees
To light a fire
While they cuddle up warm
Watching The Lord Of The Rings
The curtains close,
The lights are turned on,
And the children watch the beautiful shades of red
From the frosty window
As their warm breath condensates the glass.
The birds retreat to their nests
Their nests of glistening cobwebs,
The plump cows’ hay,
And the cats’ unkempt fur.
The wild animals are asleep,
for longer than the townspeople,
Sadly missing out
On the golden world of wonder.
Bizzy bee
Bizzy Bee is like rudolf with his red nose
Bizzy Bee is as quiet as a desert on a windless night
Bizzy Bee has six little feet of pompoms
Bizzy Bee changes colour, from black to yellow, black to yellow
Bizzy Bee has a mini afro of shiny plastic fur, that shimmers in the sunlight
Bizzy Bee has a hole of white in his chest, but Bizzy Bee continues to live
Bizzy Bee has woven wings that droop crooked at his sides
Bizzy Bee is stuffed with harsh silky clouds
Here is my story I entered into an Elsie Locke competition. It never came through, but I like it.
Dorothy marched through the mud in bare feet as the pouring rain made her hair slick against her cheekbones. She squinted her eyes trying to spot her older brother Mark, who had already reached the house with the toddler twins, Beatrice and Tom, leaving Dorothy on her own to find her way through the dead corn fields. She wore only rags, and her body shivered as the cold air poked her.
She hated feeding the chickens, whose pen had been moved far from the corn field, to prevent them from eating the little corn that was left. They had to take the toddlers as well, as mother was too sick to look after them, and Dorothy’s other siblings, Margret, Lucas, and William, were out working, trying to scrape up as much money as possible for the family. Mother had influenza which had not been treated, as they had no money for a doctor. Father had left the family, in search of money or people who would be interested in buying the corn farm. So for most of the time, it was Mark and Dorothy doing all the housework, cooking all the meals, and looking after the youngest.
Dorothy finally made it inside. “Time to cook the dinner. Maggie, Lucas, and Will shall be home soon.” Called Mark. “Right. Mashed potatoes tonight.”
As Dorothy mashed the potatoes she thought about the moment her mother had cried her heart out, realizing all her money was gone. Her father left that night. Dorothy didn’t really understand it all, but she knew it was the reason her family had dropped form being a wealthy cheerful family, who hosted lovely little tea parties at their sunny grand house, while the children played in the cornfields, chasing the chickens and playing with dolls, to a poor family, and not enough money to turn on a light bulb.
The family had no more than one, or if lucky, two meals a day, and they could no longer run a tap to get water.
Dorothy dished up the dinner, taking plates around the house, throwing them at her older siblings as they walked through the doors, as the family didn’t eat together anymore; Mum was too sick to make it too the table, the older kids never made it home just in time, and Mark and I were too busy.
The next day, her father arrived home. Everyone in the neighborhood celebrated, as we had all become very close to each other when we all lost our jobs. Father said someone had offered to buy the cornfields for five hundred dollars, enough for the family to survive about two months, when hopefully everyone would get their original jobs back. Although that was no promise.
How did we get here? Thought Dorothy, a month later, when they had found a home in an abandoned barn crowded with their ornaments from their home. Life had gotten even worse now. Selling the cornfield was not a good idea. Friends had advanced on the money we earnt, taking things from us. Now we had no idea who where friends and who where foes. Then mother died, and the family felt even worse. Dorothy wondered how it was possible to feel worse wondering when this great depression would finally end, and her eyes would finally stop this eternal leaking, as her family fell apart.
My Pretty Mini Me
In the forest I walk, through the bamboo, and the sharp bit of wood that I knock out of the way with my huge flat, wrinkly feet. I worry for my baby, trotting swiftly beside me, struggling to keep up. She has a much smoother body, she is much more vulnerable to predators. She has no tusks to protect her, so it is my job to do so. I flick my larger eyes back to her every now and then, to make sure she is as close to my side as can be. I hear a noise, and I wrap my long trunk around her. The predator doesn’t notice my baby as she is camouflaged by our similarities. I eagle flies away, and we carry on down to the river. I love my mini me, she will always be mine.
Another competition entry:
Emmelyn Brooks woke to a bright scene of vast Wilderness. Mountains were standing proudly beneath her, holding their children- the trees and bush, while a hat of cloud circled their tips. She was on a plane, heading toward mid Thailand, where lots of her family lived. Even though Emmelyn seemed perfectly Kiwi, her roots lay in Thailand. She and her mother where traveling there to stay for two months, long enough for Emmelyn to get to know her family. “It’s about time you met your family,” Her mum had said. “I know you will find them most interesting.”
Emmelyn was asleep by the time they arrived at Yang village, which lay in a dense forest of colour and beauty. Emmelyn was awakened by her mum when it was time to walk to her Nana Yui’s house, only a five minute walk from where they were dropped off. It was only a ten minute walk to the small bamboo cottage. It was late in the afternoon and it was getting dark. Emmelyn wondered what time it was in New Zealand. Probably about two in the morning. She thought.
As soon as she entered the house she was welcomed by fifteen people, but in a language she didn’t understand. Luckily her Nana Yui could speak English, and said to her, “Welcome to Thailand, my granddaughter! Are you hungry? Would you like something to eat?” “No thank you Nana Yui.” Emmelyn hugged her Nana, overjoyed to be seeing her again. The last time she had seen her Nana was when she came to New Zealand three years ago.
Emmelyn was introduced to everyone. Her Uncle, her two Aunties, her ten cousins, and Nana’s friends, Mina and Guida. She also met their elephant, Donald (after her grandfather).
Then she was introduced to the sixteenth person, who was her cousin. His name was Feing. He was no ordinary boy. He was thirteen years old, he looked perfectly normal, he could walk, but not talk. He was blind and deaf. “This is Feing. He is a very special boy. He cannot speak, he can only communicate by touch.” Her Nana had said. Emmelyn was very interested in Feing. She knew there was something very special about this boy. “Brush his shoulder twice to say hello.” She said. Emmelyn spent the whole of the next day spending time with Feing, learning how he communicated, and wondered how he ever learnt it in the first place.
Emmelyn imagined how it would feel to be in eternal darkness, with no sense of sound or hearing. Emmelyn realized how magical he must be.
One night, Emmelyn went out with Feing for a night stroll on Donald. Amazingly, Feing could ride the elephant with ease, and even lead it through. He knew how to turn him around or stop him.
Feing grasped her arm tightly- Emmelyn remembered what this meant; danger was near. “What is it!?” She forgot he couldn’t hear her. She put both hands on his shoulders and tapped. It meant she was asking him a question. Feing clenched his fists then opened them moving his fingers like flames. Emmelyn got Donald to keep moving to investigate. She didn’t know what Feing meant! She knew it wasn’t an animal, so what was it? She realized the air was getting heavy and hot, and it was hard to see. Emmelyn sniffed the air- “Fire!” Feing turned Donald around, and got him to run as fast as he could.
Emmelyn looked back- there were flames lapping at the bush. She looked back- too late! a branch hit her in the ribs and flung her off. Terror clawed at her stomach when she hit the ground and saw the elephant kept going. Feing might not have noticed her falling off! After all, he couldn’t hear her or see her. But suddenly he was at her side, the elephant already near home. Feing carried her out of the flames. He climbed onto a- leopard?! Feing rode Leopards? Emmelyn was wide-eyed. There was no boy like this on earth- and he was her cousin! Emmelyn, knowing she was safe with Feing, climbed on the back of the Leopard.
The huge Leopard bounded toward home, much faster than Donald could have. They were soon home. Feing carried her inside. “Quick! Everyone! There is a bush fire coming!” Nana translated the english to the rest of her family.
Everyone ran out of the house, grabbing everything they could. They expected to see the elephant, so they could ride him, but he was gone. Everyone was in terror, including the other villagers. There was a swift running river which only an elephant could get through ahead. If they made it to the other side they would be safe, but otherwise they were trapped.
Then Feing, to everyones awe, jumped up on a branch of a tree, and stared into the forest. His eyes reflected the fire, but more brightly than it did on anyone else’s. Then out of the forest ran not one, not two, but three leopards. After them came a flock of white birds, and after that, a herd of elephants! The leopards jumped under the legs of the villagers, carrying them on their backs. The white birds carried the people onto the backs of the elephants, who ran after the leopards toward the fire. The leopards swam through the river, with the elephants close behind.
Emmelyn was left behind with Feing. Feing stared into her eyes as though he could see her, then suddenly, she was in the air. A giant green bird had lifted her up, a bird unlike any she had ever seen. Feing was on the back. The bird flew over the river, past the villagers, and up into the sky. It went above the clouds, so Emmelyn could see the stars. This was a moment she would never forget. Everyone was safe, and Emmelyn knew that it was all because of Feing’s magic.